Muppet makes German police look like one

Muppets. Beloved children’s television puppets of the late 70’s, and slang for a grown up person who resembles one. Both definitions are true in Germany, where police have had the fur pulled over their eyes and their speed cameras—literally.

Traffic police in Bayreuth, Bavaria have been made to look like muppets by the driver of a British registered Audi TT who, repeatedly caught speeding, has driven through a blind-spot in the Teutonic traffic control master plan—German speed cameras are calibrated for left-hand driving, and thus unable to capture his face.

Precision engineered German technology has instead photographed a life-size muppet sitting in the passenger seat—out of control drummer Animal of The Muppet Show’s Dr Teeth and The Electric Mayhem band.

A German police source said:

“The number plate is not enough. We need clear evidence of who is driving the vehicle too.

“But because this is a British vehicle we can never get a decent picture. The driver has obviously worked this out because he has placed a large puppet in the passenger seat.

“This may be an example of the famous British sense of humour but it is still dangerous driving. The driver has been caught on camera on several occasions and the puppet is on the passenger seat every time. We suspect he positions the toy deliberately before accelerating past the camera.”

One suspects German police may well catch their suspect before they catch on to the British sense of humour.

Sinking of British Humour

Not for the first time the German accent is made innately funny in this Berlitz language programme ad featuring “ze German Coast Guard.”

While I certainly remember being so bored at High School that the imaginary was a sole relief, and really did once see a student running on the roof, convinced she was a cat and chased by teachers, students in Barnegat, New Jersey went completely off the page recently, confined to class after reporting a ninja running through the woods.

With all public schools in the area locked down, and presumably guarded by clueless B-movie henchmen, the ninja was within half an hour revealed, mask torn climatically off, to be something else: a camp counselor dressed in karate uniform, carrying a plastic sword.

Which is only marginally less disturbing than an actual ninja in the woods.

By way of explanation, the counselor, apparently late to a costume day at a nearby middle school, entered fully into the spirit of a shinobi assassin and took a stealthy, speedy shortcut through the trees.

It seems crying “crazy man dressed all in black!” really can get you off class. But don’t forget to mention that he ate your homework.

Ninja Dragon: The Final Fight Scene

With quite a lot to do with the previous story—ninjas, swords and being completely lost in the trees—Godfrey Ho’s seminally bad Ninja Dragon (1986) features a final fight scene somebody should have called the police on—twenty-three somersaults, two moustaches, a quite disturbing use of eyeliner and the following script:

Bruce Stallion (Paulo Tocha): You’re so stupid—you killed Fox and my men

Gordon the Ninja (Richard Harrison): And you, you started the war.

Bruce: You were the winner, but I’m not going to give you that chance, this time.

Gordon: You’re on. You don’t know an important Chinese principle.

Bruce: My principle is to chop you down!

Gordon: Hmm. You must use the Chinese against the Chinese. You’re playing the game of death!

Bruce: Nonsense! You’re going to give me back every piece that you took.

Gordon: Unless you die a ninja.

Bruce: Ok…